A day in the life of a country mom

By the end of the day yesterday, I was about ready to pack my bags and move to the city.
A woman can handle only so much of nature, and yesterday, I had my fill.
It all started with a “gift” from my cat, Tom, that he caught all by himself in the pasture next to our property.
When I was in the bathroom, I heard this phrase: “MOOOM, THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE GARAGE!”
Silly me thought my son was referring to the FAKE mouse-toy that the cats sometimes fiddle with in the garage.
But no, there it was – a fresh “kill” sitting on the ground by the last step. And 10 feet away sat the cat. He was grinning, I know it. I gave him a few treats and sent him on his merry way.
Yet, in order for us to leave, I HAD to remove this rodent from the base of the steps because there was no way in hell the twins were going “jump” over it and not land on it and smash it.
All the shovels were in the shed. The grass was wet and it was foggy.
I had to think of a “Plan B” quick.
“Ah-ha,” I said to the twins, “I will use that pitchfork!”
Have you ever tried to move a dead rodent with a pitchfork?
I am here to tell you – DON’T. It doesn’t work. All you will do it scream as you attempt to stab the already dead rodent.
But, I finally balanced the mouse on the pitchfork and pitched it into the grass – I was hoping some other animal would devour it while I was gone for most of the day. That, or I was hoping my husband would take it out to the woods.
Yet, there it was, in the grass when I returned home from a day of “MOM TAXI.”
So, I decided to take it out back, but I was being lazy and I resorted to using the pitchfork again. All I wanted to do was dump it in a pail filled with dead flowers – which I had been collecting all week.
When I moved the pail, I saw the biggest spider of my life – I swear!
I screamed.
Finally, I had the rodent in the pail and in my other hand, a cutting board full of shrimp tails. Yes, we feed the wildlife out here.
As I made the trek back to the “Back 40” I heard this huffing noises and high-pitched sounds. I looked to my right and discovered I managed to piss off the two deer that were eating apples In my neighbor’s yard.
I looked over at them as their white-tails vanished into the woods and yelled, “I AM SICK OF THE COUNTRY TODAY!”
No one in my family seemed to care about my traumatic day.
So I called my parents … who live in a city to tell them the Mother Nature story. At least I had a sympathetic ear on the other line.

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