Electrical gadgets + Country MOM = FAILURE

I am a journalist.

My parents spent thousands of dollars on my education at BGSU.

After four years, I walked away with a BS in Journalism – the way I look at it, that “BS” could stand for a lot more than “bachelors of science” because honestly it’s just a piece of paper telling the world I can actually write a news story.

I was writing stories in high school.

But alas, I now have the piece of paper that supports my “career.”

What I don’t have is a piece of paper supporting everything else – like math or computers/digital machines.

I know for some, mathematical equations; computer software; and IPods, IPhones, IPads, etc… are the epitome of FUN. For me, I’d rather run for the hills than try to figure out what A – 2 + B (3×5) = …

Actually, no, I’d rather give birth again … to twins, than to decipher mathematical equations.

Man created calculators for a reason. I have one. I take it everywhere I go because to this day, if a shirt costs $15.99 and it’s 15 percent OFF, I have no idea how much the actual shirt even costs.

And, oh, those days when we were selling our house to move to BFE were TORTURE for me! When the bank people and real estate people would talk to us about money, I honestly zoned out. It’s as if my body was there, but as I signed my life away, I am pretty sure I was in another world.

Then there is the digital world. To me, computers can either be my BFF or my worst enemy – just depends on my mood and the computer. But, it’s not just computers, its digital appliances – like the washing machine.

On Saturday, it took me 1.5 hours to wash bedding. I am pretty sure it took women less time to hand-wash bedding back in 1850 than it did for the cycle to finish on Saturday. During the 1.5 hour washing cycle, I hit random buttons on the $1,000 machine. Finally, the water drained and I was able to toss the bedding in the dryer. Sunday morning rolled around – we had our coffee and were reading the paper when Seth decided to toss a load of darks in the washing machine.

Seth – “Melis! Why is the COLD-WASH CYCLE ICON LITE UP?”

Me – “I don’t know … (oh shit!)”

Seth – “Melis! Why is there fabric softener STILL IN THE MACHINE?”

Me – “I don’t know … (oh shitters!)

Seth – “You can’t just hit random buttons!! If you don’t know what to do, SHUT IT OFF and wait for me!!”

Me – “I will fix it!!!!” (And then I kinda left the room … for an extended period of time).

When I returned, amazingly the machine was working again and the COLD-WASH CYCLE icon was off.

Whew, I thought I was gonna end up in court on Monday morning over “washing-machine violence.”

Could you imagine what that police report would have read:

A deputy was called to BFE after a woman reported her husband was upset with her over smacking random buttons on the washing machine. In his defense, she should have read the manual first.