Before you read this and accuse me of being “horrible” you should remember these statements:
“Been there, done that”
“This too shall pass …” – someday.
Tonight, I was in charge of passing out pictures for the soccer league for the community in which I live.
I set up my wagon, outside the chain-linked fence park and as I sat there, waiting for parents/coaches to make their way to my “station,” I also was keeping an eye on the twins playing. There is only one way into the gated park and I was sitting by the entrance. They were fine.
First of all, let me say this say, my position is VOLUNTEER … meaning “FREE, DONATED TIME, NOT GETTING PAID.”
So, when a mom walks up to me and says, “YOU NEED A SIGN TO LET US KNOW WHERE YOU ARE …” when I am the ONLY one sitting there in a chair, with a wagon holding a big-ass box, isn’t that a given? Alas, point well taken. Next fall, you will see me wearing neon green, holding a neon sign telling the world, “SOCCER PHOTOS!!! SOCCER PHOTOS!! COME GET YOUR SOCCER PHOTOS!”
OK, so I manage to get through THAT ordeal.
Time passes, the twins are puttering on the equipment and I continue to “parent-watch.”
And here’s when I started to laugh – internally of course, because if anyone of these mom’s would have seen me laughing, they may have biffed me – let’s talk about toddlers.
I have two 4-year-olds and a 10-year-old. For the most part, I am past the temper-tantrum stage. Now, if they misbehave, I just randomly take stuff away – or threaten them with “DO YOU NOT WANT TO GO ON VACATION?” (Yeah, what happens AFTER we vacation in June, I am not sure … I will keep you posted.)
So, in essence, I don’t (and they don’t) have public meltdowns too often – besides, when they do, I just pretend to ignore them and hope they are someone else’s children. “Gosh, where are THEIR parents?” I say … looking around.
I also tend to tell them “I love you, bye-bye” and they come running up behind me.
So, today, as I saw a mom carrying a screaming 2-year-old and dragging her 3 or 4 year old, I was laughing – inside of course. The 2-year-old was missing a shoe. The other tot did not want to leave the park. The mom was at her wits end. The funniest part is … she was carrying the screaming 2-year-old, sans one shoe, when she put her down and said, “WE HAVE TO GO BACK, I LOST HER SHOE. OH, WAIT, IT’S IN MY HAND.”
I wanted to tell this poor, stressed out mom, “Been there, done that, with TWINS” but I didn’t want to feel superior, nor did I want her to feel shittier than she already did at that moment.
Then we have the moms who constantly tell their kids, “TWO MORE MINUTES!” “THIRTY SECONDS!”
Let me save you the trouble … toddlers do not have any concept of time. To them, two hours, two minutes and two seconds is all the same. When it’s time to leave, try just leaving next time instead of announcing to the park, “TWO MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The funniest part of the park-expo tonight didn’t even deal with toddlers.
I was sitting there, again, watching a man back into a handicap parking space. He then hit the pole. I wanted to yell, “YOU ARE GOOD” but he must have figured it out because he moved forward to fix his accident.
As he and his wife walked to the baseball fields, I happened to glance his way and saw what I consider the oddest baseball snack in my life … a jar of … PICKLES!!
Truthfully, after witnessing all the park-expo drama, I was getting a bit hungry … and man, if those pickles didn’t look tasty!