It was as if Chevy Chase was prepping for a new “National Lampoons” vacation movie.
But instead of a dysfunctional family of four, it was a dysfunctional family of seven, sometimes eight, as three Naymiks and five Linebrinks traveled to Myrtle Beach from June 21 through June 29.
Here are a few excerpts from our “Family Vacation Diary”
1. Family of five checks in to LaQuinta Hotel, just a hop-skip-away from the Detroit airport.
We walk into the room and there, on the bathroom floor, were piles of towels; trash on the floor; and unmade beds.
It was gross!
So, I head downstairs to complain. Mind you, we weren’t checking in at 3 p.m. – it was after 6 p.m. – three hours AFTER check-in. I complained. We got upgraded to a “suite” – and walking in there was awesome!
2. Flight delayed to Myrtle Beach.
It’s all good – we board the plane and we each have our seat “partners.” Well, I didn’t have a seat partner, I was solo, but this guy wanted me to move away from my family so he and his unorganized new wife could sit together. I told him, “No, this is by my family.” Looking back, maybe I should have sat three rows ahead of my family?
3. After we check-in to the condo, my mom and I head to BiLo (by the end of our stay, we had our own parking space at BiLo) for a few days worth of food. By the end of the nearly 2-hour shopping trip, we had two carts full of “food.”
As my mom and I are bringing up the groceries, we run into my … BROTHER! Who surprised us from Florida and joined in our National Lampoon’s Summer Vacation.
4. Pool/beach strangers can literally mean STRANGE people by the pool/beach. “People-watching” became one of our favorite activities in MB.
At the beach, we were a comical group. As nearly everyone else had a tailgate tent, we had our FREE chairs (and by FREE chairs, I mean, I actually found them on the side of the road and got out of the van to grab them, plus a boogie board!) and $20 umbrella that, when the wind blew, it would turn inside-out.
Plus, our kids had no concept of “No SAND on the beach blanket” so they pretty much sat on sand.
5. Dryer broken. When it was running, it sounded like it was trying to run-away from our condo. We reported this “problem” at 9 a.m. Monday. The repair man showed up at an awesome 11:20 a.m. Friday … less than 24 hours until we were set to leave. In the meantime, we had to call three different times to request NEW towels. By the third message, I had to speak very slowly to explain to the woman that there were EIGHT people using the same nasty towels. I was ready to call the Center for Disease Control.
6. Here’s an FYI … when one calls Ripley’s Aquarium, and one hears the message $14.99 per adult and $9.99 per child under the age of 3, one would ASSUME the cost of the tour would be like $60. So, I know I suck at math, but um, the “bill” came to $106. Yes, we spent $106 to see Nemo and the rest of his underwater pals. Clearly, the cost I was given via the phone message must have been pre-recorded from 1980.
7. Another FYI, when a place is called “Joe’s Bar and Grill” one may assume that it means a BAR and GRILL, not a 5-star restaurant with white table cloths. My mom thought about ordering half of a wedge of salad for $5 instead of $10 and just an $8 cosmopolitan. However, this was our only GNO, so we splurged and ordered actual meals, plus our drinks. And, it was a night we will never forget thanks in part to the a-hole sitting at the next table that refused to pay for his meal, and he refused to pay for the added-in tip. Bonnie, she was a sweetie, everyone felt sorry for her. We all paid her extra with our tips. And, for the a-hole … just remember, karma tends to bite people in the ass. Just sayin’ bro.
8. “There is no such thing as family fun” – Jerry Seinfeld. By Thursday, we kinda all needed a break from each other, but we didn’t really have any place to go. So, we puttered around and sang praises for “MARTY MOOSE.”
9. Friday was our final “pool day” and we all agreed we were tired of seeing the pool-clingers. We were also tired of the “pool nazi” – this would be the woman who “scolded” us when we didn’t have on our wristbands to enter the pool. I am sorry, but the last thing I want on vacation is a lame wristband “tan line.” I finally put one on my flip-flop – too bad I didn’t put it on my middle finger.
10. Friday night, we went to another shopping area. Did anyone in Ohio, or anywhere else, hear my daughter screaming bloody murder over her melted ice cream cone? The cone melted. She wasn’t fast enough. I ran to get a dish and a spoon, she cried some more. I put her in a chair; she managed to spill the ice cream out of the cup and onto her dress – THREE times. I finally grabbed the ice cream and tossed it in the trash. Seth’s response, “That WAS $6!” I didn’t care. I was waiting for security to come haul us off for “public disruption.” Sadly, the only person that made her stop crying was the young girl whose only job for the summer is drawing cartoons of people at Barefoot Landing. If anyone happens to see KK’s photo online, send me the link please!
11. The trip back home was extra special too. Ethan got stopped by security because his Wildcat bag had a “suspicious” item. He was patted down. He was then told to sit down. He was told to hand over his bag. The man dug through the bag and found his wallet. Ethan freaked out. The man took the wallet. I guess the way he tossed his pennies inside the wallet set off “terror alarms.” He was let go. But then we got on the plane and before take-off he had to move the same bag again because it was “blocking his escape” from the plane. I think that Wildcat bag needs to be burned.
12. The TSA lady also touched my hair … and I am sorry, but I don’t even let my kids touch my hair, so that pretty much pissed me off.
All in all, the vacation was pretty fun. Sure, there were a few hiccups here and there, but that is to be expected when a family of eight travel. Would I do it again? Sure, but first, I am waiting until KK can eat an ice cream cone without having a meltdown because of a meltdown.