Wishing my ‘shoe size’ was my ‘pant size’

The year of being 35 has hit an all time low … and I don’t mean as in my weight.

It’s as if my body is saying, “OK, you are 35 now … let’s slow down your metabolism and deplete your patience too.”

Therefore, I now wish that my “pants size” was what my shoe size is … anywhere between a 6.5 and 7 – depending on the brand of shoes. Some days, it’s a smaller shoe. Other times, if I wear bulky socks, it’s a 7.

Maybe I need to change my brand of underwear? Maybe I am wearing “bulky panties” therefore; I have to wear a bigger size of pants?

I don’t know what the deal is lately, all I know is I am tired of the fluctuating poundage.

Yes, I work out. Yes, I eat veggies. Yes, I eat lean meats.

I also love French fries and nacho chips – those are my two big “SHOULD NOT EAT EVER” items.

But the scale does not seem to care.

So, unless I starve myself or sew my mouth shut after each meal, something has to change.

Is there a low-cal/low-fat wine on the market? I need to look into that. That is something I can change. Instead of drinking regular wine, I will switch to low-cal. That’s doable.

Is there a way for me to start hating sweets? Maybe I should look into hypnosis? Like, whenever I think I want a sweet, instead my brain will say, “NO, BAD IDEA. GO HOP ON YOUR DUST-LACED TREADMILL IN THE BASEMENT!”

Perhaps I should just buy an endless supply of Spankx? That way I get the look I desire, plus I won’t be able to eat as much in one sitting.

Would Spankx be considered bulky undergarments though?

What about a body cleanse? I have done some reading on those … but the only end result I have read is … eat more veggies and fruits, mainly cabbage, and then be sure you are near a bathroom for an entire week.

If I go the “cleansing route” I better make sure I have an endless supply of toilet paper in my house, which as of lately, has become somewhat of an issue.

Right now, sewing my mouth shut is looking more pleasing …