“Let it go … Let it go … Can’t hold it back anymore. Let it go … Let it go …” is the refrain of Disney’s “Frozen” theme song.
“Don’t let them in, don’t let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be.”
I think at some time or another in our lives, we have all felt this way.
To hide the true person we are for fear of showing others who we really are – or who we can be.
But instead of merely putting on magical gloves to hide our true selves, we become a one-person “show.”
For me, that time was in high school.
Puberty is such a difficult time and no one knows that better than those of who have survived it.
If you were pretty, popular, smart, athletic or simply, “cool” in high school, chances are, you thrived for those four years.
But, if you were more like me – a wallflower – high school probably dragged on – and on and on. And, if you were like me, your diary tells the true tale of, “I CANNOT WAIT TO LEAVE HOME AND GO TO COLLEGE!”
In high school, if you weren’t part of the “in-crowd” you were left out – perhaps trying and clawing your way to get IN the in-crowd.
Don’t get me wrong, I tried to fit in. I tried to belong. But honestly, it was exhausting.
There was no way I was going to attempt to do a back-flip in an effort to be a cheerleader. You are either flexible or not. You can’t go both ways.
There was no way any amount of extra practice with my clarinet was going to bring me up to “first chair.” A little secret … I only memorized the music and once that song was over for the year, I think I literally felt it leaving my brain, as if to say, “I am SO DONE with that piece … let’s make room for more you won’t ever care about shall we!?”
There was no amount of studying that was going to be put me on the “4.0 honor roll” list. It took everything in me to make it into National Honor Society, and I succeeded. But no, I was never going to be the valedictorian or salutatorian. Or any other “torian” for that matter.
The only thing I had going for me was my ability to write … and even that I didn’t put to good use because I didn’t feel worthy of it. Sure, I held the title of “editor” but I had no idea what that meant for a school newspaper. While everyone else on my “staff” bee-bopped around writing the gossip columns or the advice columns, I was busy trying to edit all of their stuff. The one column I did write I did “anonymously” and it garnered a lot of attention. I should have just slapped my name on it like I do with everything now.
But back then, I didn’t know how to “Let it Go” because I was still holding on for dear life.
The thing is, those closest to me in high school know the real Melissa.
And those I met in college met the Melissa I was meant to be in high school.
And for those who are meeting me now … well, just LET IT GO! I have! Life is too complicated to live in a perfect box set by society’s standards.