Searching for Zen in all the wrong places — truth is, it’s in WINE

I am stupid.

I am stupid because I thought that once my kids were in school all-day/every day that my life would become easier and quieter.

Turns out, I was only kidding myself — and now I am banging my head against the coffee table.

In the summer, they would wake up gradually, whenever they felt good and ready. In a groggy fog, they would slowly make their way into the living room, sit in a comfy chair with a blanket and watch TV.

Life was good. Life was quiet(er).

And then school started with a BANG.

Now it’s fighting about what clothes to wear; what shoes to wear; what to eat for breakfast; when to brush their teeth; do they HAVE TO brush their teeth; and brushing the girl’s hair which generally looks like the world’s biggest rat nest was made overnight.

From 6:30 until 8:15 a.m., it is so loud in our house I can’t even hear myself think – not that there is any time for that anyways.

And then, by 8:16 a.m., the house is silent except for the constant hum of the washing machine, dryer or dish washer.

It’s pure bliss until 3:08 p.m.

When they are at school, they bottle up their “home life” and present themselves as fun-loving, well-behaved, caring children. Which means by the time they hop off that bus into the gravel driveway, they are about to explode like one of those Fourth of July poppers.

POOOOOOFFFFFF … just as the streamers fly from the opening, the screaming and yelling hit an all-time high.

Only now we are screaming about snacks; drinks; homework; dinner; snacks; drinks; homework; “CAN I WATCH TV NOW???;” “I AM STARVING!!!;” “I DON’T WANT TO SET THE TABLE!!;” and “CAN I HAVE A FRIEND OVER FOR DINNER??” (Seriously, Ethan, who do you want to invite over to OUR house to EAT the food that I prepared? Are you vying for most unpopular student at school??)

After dinner, it quiets down about 1 decibel for about 30 minutes. I am thinking it’s because they consumed my awesome food and they are digesting it at a slow speed.

But the quiet doesn’t last long because then we begin the “SHOWER-SNACK-SLEEP” routine and the entire gig lasts 90 minutes from start to finish.

So, now you all know why I am stupid. I am stupid because I thought that once the kids were in school all-day/every day that somehow I would regain a sense of Zen in my life. But, in reality, the only ZEN I tend to have lately comes in a glass of wine.