They say in most marriages, money is the root of all problems.

I am calling bullsh*t!

In our house, the root of our problems is … plumbing.

Within the past four days, my husband has used probably every single tool he owns. Most of these tools are coated with dust from being stored under the workbench since 2006.

First, it was the spare bathroom toilet.

For almost three months, it has been running non-stop. He thought he fixed it a month ago, but it continued its “swish/rush” sound hour by hour, minute by minute.

The other day, he finally drained the water and replaced some gadget. However, it continued to drip. He then decided to replace something – I don’t know. All I know is after he “fixed” the first problem, another one popped up … he needed to remove the “piss-rusted nuts and bolts” – his words, not mine.

He did everything short of blasting the porcelain to smithereens.

The “piss-rusted nuts and bolts” were finally removed with a hacksaw.

Now, there is a slow, constant “drip, drip, drip” with a Tupperware bowl catching it.

(Note to self … when looking for a storage container for leftovers, look under the bathroom toilet.)

We went without curse words in our home for roughly 24 hours before the next problem reared its ugly head.

As I was in the basement computer room, cleaning off the futon we gave away, I noticed the light was leaking water.

Um, I am not a rocket scientist, but I know enough that water and electricity DO NOT MIX. So when Seth asked me WHY I TURNED THE LIGHTS OFF, I gave him the “Are you freakin’ kiddin’ me?” look of death.

What I wanted to say is, “Are you stupid?” But I held my tongue (for some unknown reason).

(Note to self again … the large bowl that can be used for salads … that’s in the basement now collecting water.)

So, once again, Seth went and talked to his tools in the garage and tried to find one that would fix the problem to no avail.

I did the “wifely” thing and said, “Let me know if you need me!” as I sat at the kitchen table coloring with the twins and eating nuts.

He responded with, “There is NOTHING you can help with.”

Back to coloring and eating nuts.

After several more, “F-Bombs” and “Jesus Christ’s” … he realized that our $800 washing machine has an internal leakage problem that will probably cost us $400, bringing the cost of the freaking machine to $1,200. And before you all ask, YES, we bought a warranty for it … that covers that DRUM … not “random leaks into your $800” machine.

We are calling the plumber tomorrow (calling on Sunday isn’t worth the extra fee at this point, we stopped using the washing machine).

I love that I married a CPA, but there are times when I wish he was a plumber instead … minus the crack.



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