BLOGGER’S NOTE: First off, I realize it’s been nearly 84 years since I last blogged … Cue the “Titanic” meme of the lady telling her story of traveling to the US on the Titanic … Alas, I apologize to my followers who seem to click on my page regardless if I am updating my website or Facebook Page for The Edge of Parenthood. And, for those who do get notifications that I have posted a blog … don’t freak out — it’s really me. Like I said, it’s just been 84 years …
Back to the present time of having a ‘tween daughter living in my house. Several months ago, a new “man” came into her life outside of her dad. His name is JAMES CHARLES and he has perfected the infamous “smoky eye” look better than most females I know. Yes, he is a make-up artist of sorts, and has created his own line of eye make-up geared toward the generation who isn’t afraid to wear neon green, canary yellow and hot pink eye shadow. In other words, eye shadow that I didn’t even wear in 1990. Blue. That was my choice of color back in 1990. Colors have evolved since then I guess.
For MONTHS she has begged for the “JAMESCHARLESPALETTE” — said just like that — one word. Finally, after months, days, weeks, hours and seconds … we arrived at an Ulta Beauty in Columbus.
BUT … how we physically arrived at that store is a whole different story. (Quick, go grab a glass of wine or coffee … just don’t spill it as you read this.)
It was a glorious August Sunday afternoon. We had just finished a late lunch at a Columbus restaurant before heading to Polaris — for those of you who don’t know what Polaris is, it’s an over-sized mall that has yet to shut its doors to make way for out-door shopping. It’s huge — like two levels huge. At first my daughter and I thought Ulta Beauty was located within the 3,000 stores of Polaris, but I may have read the map on my phone wrong. It wasn’t inside Polaris. It was .5 miles away from it. With the men in my family happily shopping inside the Buckeye Store, my daughter and I opted to WALK via the directions of my phone.
Picture this: My 41-year-old self wearing a sundress, with a cross-the-body-purse and $14 shoes from WalMart. She’s wearing a typical short outfit with $40 crocs on her feet in socks – also with a cross-the-body-purse. We looked amazing. And we walked aimlessly through parking lots until I realized we were going in the wrong direction. Once I finally realized where we were going, we were literally walking along a 6-lane highway outside of Columbus. We even passed a homeless man asking for money. We must have looked homeless too because he didn’t even bat an eye at us walking past him. So, there we were, walking parallel Interstate-750 on grass (why would there be sidewalks?) as vehicles zipped on by. Finally we arrived at a stoplight without a cross-walk, but hey, I remember the rules of SafetyTown from 35 years ago. My daughter didn’t want to chance her life, even though she kept saying, “We are going to DIE” as we walked, so once we got to the stoplight, she grabbed my hand and dragged me across the 6-lane highway. It was so fun. Once we arrived on the “correct” side of Interstate-750, I momentarily lost sight of Ulta Beauty (cue another meltdown on the roadway). Then again, I was dripping in sweat, so that was part of the problem. I couldn’t see anything with sweat rolling down my face. Eventually, the Ulta Beauty sign emerged out of nowhere and we made our way to the store — across two more intersections, only these were stop signs, so motorists had to wait on us to walk which seemed to please them more than apple pie on a summer day. Alas, we walked into Ulta Beauty — with sweat dripping down my face, my hair all wet in the back, eye liner smeared on my cheeks, face make up looking like I just rolled out of bed and I smelled like BO. No one even offered to make me over in there today. (Usually as soon as I step foot inside, I am flocked by employees thinking I need an Ulta Make-Over. Clearly I was a lost cause today. That’s OK because I didn’t feel like smiling and pretending I gave one iota about beauty blenders or contouring my face.) The good news was that as soon as we stepped foot inside Ulta Beauty, my daughter RAN to her new best man friend, grabbed THE palette and was ready to leave. I on the other hand needed a few minutes to at least stand inside the AC building before heading out to our next trek across a parking lot — which was to my vehicle, driven my husband that then took us to an ice cream parlor (where I wore my sweater because I was freezing!).
(P.S. I know it’s been 84 years since I last wrote a blog, but I am going to try really hard now to not make you – my followers – wait another 84 years!)